Fear

My fear of death, of losing everyone i love thats here. Im afraid i wont have enough time with them. That i will miss them so much. That i wont get to meet everyone i want to and talk to everyone and do everything. I trust, that God and Jesus have a plan for me and ill meet who im supposed to and talk to who im meant to saying what im supposed to say, i hope. I used to keep schedules for mom on the calendar, and computer for movies apts. Slowly i stopped doing it until it stopped altogether, and now she cant remember them so much. I don't know if my family will ever know, how blessed i feel to be in it, to be in everypart of it.

"they will still hold on to all of their memories! it will make the time you do share that much more meaningful" thank you

i am blessed though
i know life goes on
and that me dying, will be not having to see all you guys die
but getting to meet yous up there
hopefully up

I guess its true

what they're saying, i guess when people get upset or too busy to talk to me, they'll miss out on parts of my life. I dont want that to happen, Karli was so brave even in ways im just learning. I dont like when people learn the hard way, i love them and just want them to learn the easy way. Maybe thats what god and jesus feel like. You have to love people for their bad moments and they're good. I have learned, from a very dear friend of mine, thats its not about thinking its ok its about accepting its not ok, thank you for that.

They

make you feel like you belong, they love you, they take care of you, they get sick of you, they make all your true fears come to life. What is it like to be worthless! Probably something like this. Dont use it against me because i cant control it. Don't pretend your someone your not. Look, listen, and stop staring into space. You can do so much good in this world, and still feel so much pain. You can act like yourself, and get torn down with everything that came to you. I love you.

Dear JHD

You've taken my life, youve taken my family, youre taking all of who i am. Please leave some left for me. Let me leave people be and just be that.

Playlist of my life so far- im sure ill add to it

in the order of my life- affecting me songs


burn back the sun

the way she feels

all around me


my world

all you wanted


tourniquet

swept away

my immortal

brick by boring brick

^ the video i got attached to when karli and daddy died


song i want to be remembered by

heres the song of my life

Triggering Things

triggering graph click here